As an empath and INFJ, I often find myself giving over my power, will, and desires to others. The reasons for this are multitude. It could be to keep the peace. It could be to make peace. It could be simply to please another and make them happy. It could also be for selfish reasons. When others are stressed or unhappy I feel that in my body, I experience it. So, when I go out of my way to make another happy it helps me feel less stress, less anxiety. It has been a life long practice learning to temper this wild horse, to choose, to decide, to stay in my body and remain aware of my own mind. The following poem streams from this struggle...
And they say it all flows down
from the mouth of the river
I stand
mouth open
arms flung wide
I stare
I leave
Empty
So thirsty
I wade into the water
push against that boulder
my friend
well my friend
fell in
“living living living
just to please…”
Oh
Oh no
Oh no
stop
these hands
this mouth
of a sinner
but he’s not giving
anything easy
I don’t feel easy
I feel stressed
I eat
well
I meditate
well
I exercise
well
I still feel sick
This body
This body
Is an Alien
I’m an alien
I don’t belong here
“I’m going under
oh ah I’m going under…”
Back to the mouth of the river
mouth open
arms flung wide
So thirsty
but water won’t check
won’t heal these wounds
won’t erase my anger
my depression
No no
no more living just to please
oh
mouth of the river
swallow me
drag me under
drown me
in your infinity
SMC © June 25 2017 inspired by Mouth of the River by Imagine Dragons
